Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Brandon Koh, and I hope this introduction letter
will give you a glimpse of my life’s journey so far. I graduated from Singapore
Polytechnic in 2013 with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. I signed on as an
air force engineer in the Republic of Singapore Air Force in 2013 and left the
force in 2019 in order to commence my degree in mechanical engineering at the
Singapore Institute of Technology.
My interest in mechanical engineering started from a young
age where I loved building Lego structures that could emulate human movement. My
time in the air force dismantling and assembling helicopters daily, deepened my
interest further. Although work was grueling at times but being able to tinker
with complex mechanical parts was a dream come true.
I believe that one of my strengths on communications is that
I am a confident speaker, there have been many situations in the air force
where I have to clearly communicate problems or defects to high ranking superiors
which have helped to build up my confidence when speaking. One of my weaknesses,
which my peers have complain to me about during group projects is that I tend
to reiterate myself often, I feel that this is because I am afraid that the
important points of my message are not emphasized enough.
Throughout my life, communications have always been a key
component to success in many situations and being able to effectively
communicate will always be a skill that is continuously evolving as there will
always be room for improvement. My goals for this module are to rectify my weakness
of reiterating often, further improve and refine my speaking skills and also to
improve my vocabulary and grammar. I look forward to your guidance during the
upcoming sessions.
Best Regards,
Brandon Koh
(Commented on Benedict's and Jarl's Introduction letter)
Dear Brandon,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your self-introduction letter, I got a sense of who you are and how your life went. Thank you for sharing.
There are a few pointers that I would like to make that I feel would be beneficial for you.
In your first paragraph, you mentioned that you left the Air Force in 2019 to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering. I would love to know more about why you made that decision to continue your studies, rather than staying in the Air Force.
The next pointer that I would like to make is, in the third paragraph. I believe it should be "strength in communication" or you can also put it as "my communication strength is".
The third pointer would be that I appreciate your explanation for your strengths and weakness. As it helped me gain a better understanding of how your strengths and weakness came about.
The Last pointer would be in your last paragraph, you mentioned that communication would be a skill that is continuously evolving. I truly agree with that statement and I believe that with that mindset you will improve your communication skills in this module.
Overall, I felt that this self-introduction was well written and I feel that I got to know you better. I am looking forward to working with you more in the future and maybe one day we can build some Lego together too.
Yours sincerely,
Chua Jarl
Dear Jarl,
DeleteThank you for your wonderful comment on my introduction letter. I have read through your pointers and will definitely work on the mistakes you have mentioned. We must make a date to build some Lego together in the near future and I hope to receive more feedback from you for my next few blog post. Thanks again for your time and efforts!
Yours sincerely,
Brandon Koh
Dear Brandon,
ReplyDeleteI'm Benjamin, one of your blog buddies, I feel like I got to know you a lot more after reading your introductory letter. Please allow me to share my observations.
For content, you mentioned that you signed on as an air force engineer and it sounded like you enjoyed working with helicopters and tinkering complex mechanical parts. So, I am quite curious to know what lead you to leave the force to pursue your studies.
I really liked the organization and structure of your writing. The organization of each paragraph was split up nicely which made it easy to understand just by reading it once.
As for language, I noticed a few points that I believe can be amended. For paragraph three, "strengths on communication" should be changed to "strength in communication" and "peers have complain to me" should be changed to "peers have complained to me".
To end it off, I think your introductory letter is well written and it made me realize the mistakes that I have done in my letter. I hope my observations were helpful and thank you for reading my reply.
Best regards,
Benjamin Ang
Dear Benjamin,
DeleteThank you for your enlightening comment regarding my introduction letter. As to why i left the force to pursue further studies, the reason was because i felt that my knowledge on engineering was stagnating in the force and i wanted to further improve my knowledge as well as my practical skills which was why i enrolled into Singapore Institute of Technology. I hope this satisfied your curiosity and if you are still curious we can definitely set a time for us to get to know each other better. Your observations on my letter have truly been enlightening and i will correct those mistakes you have pointed in the next version.
Your observations have been without a doubt helpful and i look forward to receiving more feedback from you in the future. Thank you for your time and efforts!
Best regards,
Brandon Koh
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Brandon,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and well-developed letter. You address all the touchpoints of the assignment and you provide good detail. I really appreciate learning about how your exprience as a child with a Lego set and then as a young man in the air force helped you to develop an interest in engineering and how the job assisted you in refining your comm skills.
You also make a fine effort describing your module goals. In line with that, please take note of these points:
1. words, phrasing
-- from a young age where > (age where?)
-- Although work was grueling at times but being able to tinker with complex mechanical parts was a dream come true. > (use of subordinating and coordinating conjunctions: although & but)
-- many situations in the air force where > (situations where?)
-- communications have > (plural) ?
2. punctuation, capitalization
-- My time in the air force dismantling and assembling helicopters daily, deepened my interest further. > (use of comma) ?
-- I believe that one of my strengths on communications is that I am a confident speaker, there have been many situations in the air force where I have to clearly communicate problems or defects to high ranking superiors which have helped to build up my confidence when speaking.
(comma splice)
-- One of my weaknesses, which my peers have complain to me about during group projects is that... > (the relative clause?)
-- One of my weaknesses, which my peers have complain to me about during group projects is that I tend to reiterate myself often, I feel that this is because I am afraid that the important points of my message are not emphasized enough. > (comma splice) ?
-- Best Regards, > (cap) ?
I look forward to readng more of your writing.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
DeleteThank you for your comment on my introduction letter. This is my first time writing on a blog and i find the experience interesting and invigorating. I will take note of the mistakes you have pointed out and amend them on the next version of the introduction letter.
Looking forward to more of your feedback and thank you for your time and efforts.
Best regards,
Brandon Koh
I'm glad you see value in the process, Brandon.
DeleteThanks for your response.
Brad